“You’re Fine.” How One Woman Spent Two Years Searching for a Diagnosis That Was Right in Front of Everyone

It started with a flutter in her chest.

She wasn’t even sure how to describe it at first—just that it didn’t feel right. Her heart would race out of the blue, sometimes waking her up in the middle of the night. Her primary care doctor sent her to a cardiologist, who ordered a full workup: EKG, echocardiogram, Holter monitor, stress test. Everything came back normal. “You’re fine,” they said.

Then came the shoulder pain. Deep and sharp. She worried it might be something structural but couldn't recall a specific injury. The orthopedist did an exam, then an x-ray, then an MRI. No tear, no inflammation. “You’re fine.”

But she didn’t feel fine.

Next were the headaches—blinding, pulsing headaches that made it hard to think or function. A head CT ruled out anything serious. “You’re fine.”

Still, she kept showing up—because every time she ate, her stomach hurt. She felt bloated, nauseated, just off. She had an endoscopy. A CT scan. A gastric emptying study. A full GI workup. And, of course: “You’re fine.”

But her arms tingled. Her legs ached. She was tired all the time. Not “I need to get to bed earlier” tired, but bone-deep, body-sinking exhaustion. So her doctors checked her iron, her thyroid, her vitamin levels, her B12. All normal. “You’re fine.”

Over two years, she saw half a dozen specialists. Cardiology. Orthopedics. Gastroenterology. Neurology. She had every test modern medicine could offer. She spent thousands of dollars. She started to question herself. Was it all in her head?

Finally, she found her way to a new doctor—not because she had a new symptom, but because she couldn’t keep hearing she was fine when she knew she wasn’t.

This doctor listened differently. Asked different questions. And said something no one had considered:

“Has anyone talked to you about perimenopause?”

It felt like the ground shifted.

When the System is Fragmented, the Patient Suffers

As a menopause specialist, I hear stories like this all the time. Women arrive in my office frustrated, exhausted, sometimes even hopeless—because no one has connected the dots. Instead, they’ve been sent down siloed pathways: cardiology for the heart palpitations, orthopedics for the joint pain, neurology for the tingling, GI for the bloating. Test after test. Specialist after specialist. And always the same message: “You’re fine.”

And this isn’t new. Before I specialized in menopause medicine, I spent years as a general OB/GYN—and even then, I heard stories like these. Women's pain and symptoms dismissed, minimized, misdiagnosed, or simply misunderstood.

Let’s be honest: women’s health has been systemically understudied and underappreciated for decades. We've been told that what we’re experiencing is just part of being a woman. That we’re too sensitive. That it’s stress. That we’re overreacting. That we complain too much.

This bias is deeply embedded in the medical system, and it has real consequences.

Perimenopause Is Not a Catch-All, But It’s Often the Missing Piece

Hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause can affect nearly every system in the body. Heart palpitations. Joint and muscle pain. Tingling. Headaches. Digestive issues. Mood swings. Fatigue. Anxiety. Insomnia. And yet, most medical training offers shockingly little education about menopause and how it shows up in real women’s lives.

So it gets missed. Brushed aside. Misdiagnosed. Or worse—blamed on the woman herself.

You’re Not Crazy, and You’re Not Alone

If you’re reading this and seeing yourself in this story, please hear this: you are not crazy. You’re not making it up. And no, it’s not just stress or aging or needing more sleep.

It might be your hormones. And it might be perimenopause.

Symptoms can start as early as your late 30s or early 40s. They can be subtle or overwhelming. They can mimic other conditions, or show up in completely unexpected ways. And they are very real.

Here’s What You Can Do:

Trust your instincts. If you feel something is wrong, advocate for yourself. You know your body better than anyone.
Ask directly about perimenopause. Even if your periods are still regular. Even if your symptoms seem unrelated.
Look for a provider who understands midlife women’s health. Seek out someone trained in menopause medicine who can look at your symptoms holistically.
Keep a symptom journal. It helps you connect the dots—and helps your doctor do the same.
Share your story. The more we talk about this, the more we shift the narrative.

The woman I described? Once she got the right diagnosis, it all started to make sense. With the right support, she finally began to feel better. Seen. Heard. Validated. And that’s what every woman deserves.

You are not alone. And you are not fine—if you know you’re not. Keep going until someone listens.